Insomnia is “difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, even when the person has a chance to do so.”
I was introduced to the word painsomniac by reading a blog post written by a fellow Spoonie. It seems that I have been out of the loop because I am told this word is used frequently by chronic illness sufferers. Who has heard of this word? Who hasn’t heard of it?
Due to complications of my medical treatment including all of the withdrawals and side effects, I have the worst insomnia that I have EVER experienced in my life. I usually have the OPPOSITE problem of sleeping too much because of my depression, and then, I become EVEN MORE depressed because I slept so long and feel lazy. Recently, I have only been sleeping a few hours a night, well actually early morning because I fall asleep around 5:30 am. Thank goodness for the blackout curtains in my room 🙌🏻. So essentially I am napping, not sleeping. Then, I wake up like 3 hours later because I’m starving and know that I will feel incredibly worse if I don’t address the problem. Then, I try to go back to sleep for a few more hours. It’s maddening that I can’t fall asleep let alone at a normal hour, and when I do fall asleep, it is not for very long at all. I have been taking my antidepressant and Benadryl early each night and STILL not sleepy. Also, all of the withdrawal symptoms are so painful and irritating that sleeping is pointless. I feel terrible because I am impacting my boyfriend’s sleep schedule. I wake him up when I come to bed really late and when I am CONSTANTLY tossing and turning OR having to pee every few hours. Yesterday, I think was the very first day in awhile that I actually slept for 6+ hours after falling asleep around 5:30 am. Of course, it had to be the same day that I had my tax appointment and LUCKILY just barely avoided being a no-show. I jumped out of bed and got ready faster than my fibromyalgia body wanted to. Here I am again, awake at 4:30 am. I have so much to do today between getting an oil change, going to City Hall to finalize closing my small business and working on medical paperwork. Being sick is honestly a full time job keeping up with appointments, treatments, paperwork and medication. But instead of getting income, you are paying others for your hard work. True you are getting goods and services in return – but it still is a LOT of work, and I have learned to be my own champion and advocate. No one else is going to do it for me. I am happy to report that I think my withdrawal symptoms are starting to slowly recede, but my stomach is definitely not happy, which is odd since I have been eating plain food and not much of it. Still, I am grateful that the horrific, HORRIFIC nausea and the itching sensations that no amount of scratching would make it stop 🛑 has subsided, especially that weird teeth itching/aching sensation! Now, I need my stomach to cooperate.
Who suffers from insomnia? Do you have any tips or tricks? I use to get mad at myself for not sleeping like a normal person, but now I just accept the fact that I am my own normal.
-The Dramatic Exhausted Frustrated Ginger