Nausea comes out of nowhere, hits me like a ton of bricks, stops me dead in my tracks and sends me straight to a dark room to lay down in the fetal position and pray that I just fall asleep.
My boyfriend is out of town on a guy’s trip this weekend, which he desperately needed after how hard he works. Last night, I decided to venture outside the safety of the 4 walls of my house alone and see the movie “A Wrinkle in Time” at an AMC Dine-In Theater. I order a Sprite and pretzel bites and settle into the comfy recliner seat.
About one quarter into the movie and the nausea hits just like I described above. I absolutely panicked – probably not the best response but it happened. If I needed to leave in the middle of the movie, I would need to figure out how to pay my bill early since they bring the bill at the end of the movie. Most importantly, would I be able to get home? Sometimes nausea is so bad that I can barely walk to my bedroom let alone walk to my car and drive home in the rain. Since I was sitting in a section of two recliners next to each other and no one sitting next to me, I laid down across them and felt weird about it, but I didn’t have another choice. Another thing that didn’t help was the nature of the movie, “A Wrinkle in Time”. It’s a fantasy where they travel through time and the universe and at times felt like a bit of an acid trip (if I knew what that felt like). So no fault to the movie 🎥 (as it was the nature of the film), but it made my nausea even worse with the weird camera angles, crazy colors and “fun house effect”. I fought through, watched the movie to completion and enjoyed it the best I could. I was thankfully able to drive home. I tried to eat some rice, but I just resigned myself to go to bed and willed myself to sleep so the pain would go away. The lack of sleep 💤 over the past few weeks has caught up with me and made me sick, but I’m happy to report I think I got 8 hours of sleep for the first time since I can remember. I usually have trouble sleeping when my boyfriend is away, but the exhaustion won this time 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻!
I want to touch on this briefly and expound on it later. It is a true testament to my boyfriend that his absence is felt when he is away. My boyfriend works two jobs, has a full time job taking care of me as well as our dogs and house. He has become my rock, and I depend on him, yet I do try to salvage every piece of my independence left and thankfully he supports that. Like I said earlier, his guys’ trip was very overdue and much deserved. But selfishly, I always worry while he is out of town for a few nights for not only his safety but my own. I also don’t like being home alone in a house overnight. I grew up in a law enforcement family as well as value the importance of companionship and the buddy system – can you blame me 🤔?
My condition is very unpredictable, especially with my medication and treatments on the blink, and being home alone with him five hours away when my health takes a nasty turn is a very real possibility and fear of mine (whether irrational or not). I have been dizzy due to medication withdrawal symptoms and have to make sure I don’t fall in the shower. Luckily, I have those no-slip mats. Then, there are our two sweet, hyper puppies. If I am feeling miserable, I have to muster up every ounce of energy to make sure they are fed, have water, pen/crate area is clean and they are taken outside. Another concern is my back. Sometimes I can’t lift them let alone bend over because of an old back injury and don’t want my back to seize.
I honestly feel kind of pathetic saying this but it is true. There are days, like today, where I barely have the energy to go to the kitchen to make breakfast let alone get cleaned up. My boyfriend always helps me and gets me motivated. I also value some semblance of a routine as it keeps me sane, and I look forward to our nightly dinner and catching up on TV shows.
In conclusion, I do LOVE having “me” time and him having “guy” time. That’s healthy and a part of life. But when he is out of state, even if it’s for a few days, I feel like a piece of me is missing and just fear of something going wrong without my support system slips out. Each and every day I have a game plan for fibromyalgia, which usually includes reinforcements and a support system nearby if things go sideways.
Have any of you felt that way? Am I alone is this feeling? Is that a crazy way to feel?
-The Dramatic Ginger